“Sorry, but I’m not sorry”

Most females tend to over apologise. To some degree we have been socialised to appear meek, docile and overly responsible. Female from every culture are frowned upon if they appear assertive or are loud with their opinions. Along with socialisation as females we also generally more sensitive or shall we say aware of social nuances.

Research supports this observation since a recent set of studies conducted found that female participants apologized more in their daily lives than male participants. One of the reasons cited for this was that women reported committing more offenses than men. I refuse to believe than women do commit more offenses, but it seems are just more aware of their actions and are quicker to judge themselves in a negative light.

In another study, the researchers found support for the idea that men might have a lower offense threshold than women. The offense threshold hypothesis seems like a polite way of saying that men can be less attuned to social offenses in general, while women may sometimes be over-attuned, apologizing for perceived offenses that other people do not find offensive or even notice.

Constant apologising affects not only how we feel about ourselves, but how others see us. If used inappropriately instead of coming across as humble and responsible it would instead portray someone who doubts themselves and lacks confidence.

Sure, if you really made a mistake or there was a misunderstanding and you are repenting, apologise but if other more positive words can be used, Why not?

A big one for me that can replace ‘Sorry’ is ‘Thank you’.  Gratitude is more beneficial overall than repentance. “Thank you for waiting” sounds so much better than, “Sorry I’m late”.  If you want to share your opinion at a meeting or speak out, how about saying, “please may I share my opinion” or “I have an idea” instead of, “sorry for interrupting”.  Thank you makes both the giver and receiver feel better about themselves. The giver doesn’t feel like they have done anything wrong and the receiver feels acknowledged and appreciated.

As Gary Hopkins says: “An apology can be a wonderful thing so long as it is infrequent and from the heart.”

 

 

 

 

By |2019-03-12T21:49:55+02:00March 12th, 2019|Uncategorized|0 Comments

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